He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
