Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
