So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
