this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
