pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
