she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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