two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
