Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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