return my video game
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
