whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize