How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
