We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
