Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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