I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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