I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hippo gnu deer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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