My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
