Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize