dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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