It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
