wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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