Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
