The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
