I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
