Kiss
Puke
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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