at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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