Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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