I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize