She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
