I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
