Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
