We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Everclear isn't food dammit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
