My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
