would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
