R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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