found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
