no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Houston, we have a squirter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
