I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
