her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
