I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
