I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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