Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
