Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
