Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
