so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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