I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
