I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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