i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Text me some of your sweat
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
