I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
