Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
