everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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