So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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