I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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