you would pick up someone in the library
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
