so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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