in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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