I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
