just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
