i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
