My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
