Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
