i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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