I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
