I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
