judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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