dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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