Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is Oprah even human
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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