you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
