I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
