sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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