he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
