Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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