booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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