Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
